Extract from The Will to Consciousness
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41
There is nothing to be done when I plateau. It seems everything conspires to prevent me from getting out of it. I may take action, take steps, try to renew myself, but it is in vain, because the plateau is a normal phase of all development. I learned to appreciate it while still giving myself the means to not fall asleep under the weight of monotony.
42
The plateau is the challenge of the enlightened one. At any moment he can be overwhelmed by ecstasy and lose touch with the material world. This is not dramatic in itself because the planetary context is rudimentary and coarse, but nevertheless, my conception of the willfully conscious life implies being wholly present at all levels of reality. I felt at one point in my life that the absolute had become so important to me that I was slowly losing my connection with the Earthly plane. So I made the decision to return to the world and took the appropriate measures to get there. It is possible to plateau even in the absolute because it is so vast and I end up surrendering myself to it.
43
To live in a willfully conscious manner, you cannot rely on others to help you. It must be an individual, uncompromising aspiration because on this planet hardly anyone has that true desire. I meet many people who seem to be on the path, but in reality none of them are willing to lose everything in order to attain a conscious life. The attraction of the outside world is stronger than the ideal of awakening. I am not afraid to lose everything because I have found in me a source of light independent of the outside world. Even if I lost all my possessions, I could continue to create. You cannot take away my inner world and my creativity. That’s why I am happy. My happiness does not depend on the goodwill of others.
44
I am presently crossing a plateau. I currently live in a Montreal neighborhood called Le Plateau, which is rather symbolic. All my efforts to make my creative work known are weakened by the general law. At times, I have the impression that my attempts to attain public notoriety are being slowed down deliberately. And since my life is so calm, it is more difficult for me to remain willfully conscious. I understand, however, that it is a good idea to surround myself with people who also desperately want to live in a willfully conscious way. It is thanks to Ouspensky’s book, In Search of the Miraculous: Fragments of an Unknown Teaching, that I realized how important this is. For several years now, I have been working to create an enlightenment community. So, in spite of this appalling plateau which never ceases, I manage to maintain my willfully conscious state for I surround myself with other bedlamites of the conscious life.
45
To live in a willfully conscious way in a context where the dominant majority live unconsciously is an insurmountable, or better yet, impossible challenge, and yet I succeed with flying colors. I have met very few people who are as thirsty for the absolute as I am. Most desire it as an afterthought without ever really doing what is necessary to quench this most normal of thirsts once and for all.
46
I endeavor through my projects and actions to attract the attention of those few who, like me, desire to live in a willfully conscious way. I have already done the impossible by finding enough of them to create an organization that, in a concrete way, aims to teach a way of life that encourages conscious living. To live in this way, a context is required that is not only conducive to the emergence of the feeling of enlightenment, but also to its practical support over time. It is precisely during more monotonous periods that this type of community is essential. There is always someone in the group to remind me that I am sinking into routine. I long sought the means of founding such a community. Of course, the one I founded will not suit everyone, but that’s not what matters. What is important is that I am able to clearly identify those with whom I share a core essence, and that together we provide a concrete context that allows us to live in a willfully conscious manner.
47
Being willfully conscious in a world that is asleep is sometimes tedious and painful. Although I may have a profound view of the world, opportunities to share my point of view are rare. There seems to be a conspiracy to collectively undershoot the essential. For example, a super hurricane destroyed part of New York last month—three days before the presidential elections. The media went on and on about the “hurricane of the century” and the president’s effort to help the victims, but nowhere was it mentioned that this hurricane had been created from scratch using technology still unknown to the public. I was in a rage, but found no outlet except through a violent flu. I was helpless to do anything else, defenseless in the face of the sordid machinations of the manipulative plutocratic system. It is an all-too-familiar feeling to have these clear perceptions and nobody with whom to share them.
48
The feeling of helplessness that sometimes grips me is fortunately counterbalanced by the knowledge that there is nothing to do, that the world is a representation within my consciousness. The world is a realm of manifestation that allows me to be willfully conscious. The impact of these contradictory feelings weighs on me heavily at times. Though I may be the Living God, some days I think more than I Am.
49
The feeling of helplessness in the face of the world’s immensity is what ultimately makes me capitulate. I am not a savior, nor a messiah, that is not my function in this world. By saving myself, by freeing myself, I set an example and that is enough. Why should I make myself sick because the majority of humans are sheep and the few shepherds who lead them to the slaughterhouse have no qualms about mistreating them and stealing from them before they die? I do sometimes become all too human and forget that all this is but a film, but it doesn’t last long because living in a willfully conscious way has become a habit. I can, in fact, relax my attention for a while because the systems I deftly put in place in my life, like art, inevitably bring me back to the conscious life.
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Extract from The Will to Consciousness
